10
May
07

True Mom Confessions

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True Mom Confessions is the brain-child of brilliant and lovely and ultra talented Rebecca Woolf (also of Babble and Girls’ Gone Child) and Romi Lassally. The need to confess is deeply human and if the traffic to the True Mom Confessions site is any indication, has not gone the way of other relics of past religions. It is an incredibly powerful thing to read and absorb what’s “really” going on behind the closed doors and baby gates of American motherhood. Confessing mistakes and fallibility explains much of the pleasure of reading (and writing) blogs. And the touching manner in which the fabulously gifted writers of the Internet share their angst and joy and express their feelings about motherhood in such a beautiful way is inspiring.

I’ve pondered whether to post my confession over at TMC, and decided against it. I’m already terrible on paper, so why not go in for the full range of judgment? In the end, no one can judge me as harshly as I judge myself (though honestly they can call me terrible hurtful names to good effect).

I recently had an affair with a married man who has children of his own. My husband and some of my family members know about it. Some of my closest friends know. Most don’t. I feel ashamed and embarrassed and terrified of the consequences of what I’ve done. My husband and I are seeing a counselor and trying to keep our family together.

In some ways my life as a mother and wife left me feeling stifled and trapped and without oxygen. Choosing an escape from this was a mindless way of coping, a way to find something transcendent, overwhelming, a way to be free.

I’m not asking for forgiveness. Or understanding. I’ve hurt many people as a result of this action. And for that I’m very sorry. The problem of living a full and passionate life while being a good faithful wife and mother remains an unsolved mystery to me. Maybe some day I’ll find the peace that has thus far eluded me.

***
In other news, has anyone heard of this Top Momma Blog thingie? It’s a competition of some sort…..

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27 Responses to “True Mom Confessions”


  1. 1 jen
    May 10, 2007 at 10:29 am

    All the power and hugs to you sista. I hope you guys work it out. Me? Not posting so much…as I just served hubby with divorce papers on Monday. YEP! Will need that night out sooooooonnnnnn….

  2. May 10, 2007 at 10:58 am

    You won’t find judgment from me…just the hope of peace for you and your heart.
    xo

  3. May 10, 2007 at 11:50 am

    Hey there, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. I hope you find the peace you are seeking, and that you (and your marriage) emerge stronger and more clear about the things you’ve been struggling with. This may be an inappropriate time to be a Pollyanna, but you can at least go forward from a “place of truth” now, which has GOT to be a relief.

    And remember, you are not the first person in the world to feel stifled by marriage and motherhood, or react in the way that you did. It happens every day all over the world, and probably in the neighborhood you live in. It’s hard and it sucks and it does hurt and it isn’t pretty, but it’s also human and we’ve all done things we regret.

  4. May 10, 2007 at 1:26 pm

    Life is an experiment. Some results are better than others. It only sucks if you didn’t learn anything about yourself from it. Let it go, breathe, and move on. It’s all about growing. No judgement or harshness here.

  5. May 10, 2007 at 2:33 pm

    R.
    If I were near you, I would be giving you a big hug.
    OTJ

  6. May 10, 2007 at 2:48 pm

    Well, you’re certainly not the first – nor the last – woman to ever have an affair. And if the statistics are correct, more and 60% of all married people have had, are having, or will have an affair.

    My husband had an affair. And we’ve survived it. Not only have we survived it, but we’ve grown stronger and closer as a result, believe it or not. In some ways, it was the best thing that could have happened to our relationship – as strange as that may sound.

    And, if you find the secret to living a full and passionate life while remaining a good, faithful wife and mother, could you clue me in? I’d be forever grateful!

  7. May 10, 2007 at 3:03 pm

    No judgment just hopes for better days for all involved.

  8. 8 JustMomma
    May 10, 2007 at 3:09 pm

    You aren’t alone. I had an online affair with my ex that came very close to being a real affair. If my Dh had not found out, I am not sure what would have happened. Luckily, he did find out. Even though it was awful we are both working har don our marriage now and we are doing much better.

    I juat wanted you to know you aren’t alone. Good Luck!

  9. May 10, 2007 at 4:06 pm

    The thing about marriage/motherhood and living a full and passionate life is that they are somewhat antithetical to each other. I’m familiar with those feelings that led to your affair and they’re hard to ignore… Hope you guys sort it all out.

  10. May 10, 2007 at 4:08 pm

    Bossy thinks it comes down to realizing that the feeling of ‘another’ is so fleeting anyway – why throw all the cards up in the air. Of course Bossy has been married for a trillion years and is losing feeling in her lower extremities.

  11. May 10, 2007 at 6:03 pm

    I’m so sorry you are feeling scared. Fear is an abysmal companion, always nagging, always waking you. I really hope you find the peace you need.

    Thinking of you.

  12. May 10, 2007 at 6:03 pm

    Nothing to add except virtual hugs and support. I applaud your honesty; must be hard telling friends and family. Hope you guys can work it out.

  13. May 10, 2007 at 6:30 pm

    You know I’m here for you…

    XO,
    P

  14. May 10, 2007 at 6:55 pm

    New here but I come with no judgement in my bags. I will confess to you as well. My husband is the only man in my life that I have never cheated on in some way or another. It might have been the internet.. or real life.. or maybe it was emotional and not physical but all the same ever other serious relationship I was in there was cheating involved.

    I feel your pain and I am sorry you are sad.. but there is hope. Therapy is a good start and if you both have your hearts in this things will work out.

    Nice meeting you.

  15. May 10, 2007 at 8:31 pm

    I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, R., but good for you for dealing with it and sharing it. You’re in my thoughts.

  16. May 10, 2007 at 8:56 pm

    Thanks for being real and honest. I hope for the best for you and your family.

  17. May 10, 2007 at 9:22 pm

    We are judgmental as hell over at the Yamagoo Blog. We never let our intended target escape with any shred of dignity or grace.
    Of course we target self righteous, celebrity ass hats, not hot moms.

    Been there…
    Done that….
    Still trying to rid myself of the T-shirt…
    Around my house we live by the following battle cry…

    Love the MAMA!

  18. 18 Shazia
    May 10, 2007 at 9:24 pm

    Hang in there. Lots of love and hugs your way.
    Shazia

  19. May 10, 2007 at 9:50 pm

    Just wanted to wish you the best…

  20. May 11, 2007 at 6:30 am

    It’s not easy being a primate. We aren’t swans; monogamy doesn’t come easily to us. L and I have avoided this because open and honest communication is expected and because we “play” together. I don’t know how a str8 couple can do that, though (the latter)… I can’t imagine the difficulty… Your hubby is a good friend, and so are you, and we’re rooting for you both. Patience and acts of kindness will help. It sounds like you were honest, and if so, that’s more than half the struggle. Take care of yourselves!

  21. 21 Maiaoming
    May 11, 2007 at 9:38 am

    I’m also a member of the scarlet letter club. I was married – happily so – and had an affair with a married man who had a young son. After divorces, we are married with a child. But it has been HARD – to forgive ourselves, to forgive myself, for hurting people, to reconstruct my identity (I’m a “good”person, or am I…?) Anyway, just wanted to say: wow, I was really impressed with your openness. You’re not alone. One thing that’s happened to me is I’ve learned what it really truly means to have compassion and nonjudgment for others – after having been so awful myself, I can only offer grace to others. This is a deep, painful lesson, but one I value.

  22. May 11, 2007 at 2:02 pm

    I admire your honesty and bravery. I think if you are willing to admit this openly, then you are on the road to figuring it all out, where ever that may lead you in the end.

    It is easy to be led astray at times, especially by natural feelings for another human being just happen not to be married to. I have felt it and am sure I will feel it again and again. You are no different from the many wives and girlfriends who feel and think those things, even if they/we/I never act on them in the end. It is a thin, sketchy line. Some cross mentally, some physically.

    Peace with ourselves and the important people in our lives is all we can hope for no matter what side of the line we are standing on. No judgements here, just positive thoughts and best wishes for the best.

  23. May 11, 2007 at 3:21 pm

    Wow! Brave of you to post this. I certainly never saw that coming. Thinking of you and hope you work this thing through. Hugs xoxo

  24. May 12, 2007 at 6:22 am

    What an honest post. I’m with Izzy — on the difficulties of having motherhood and passion. I struggle with that every day. Hang in there — we’re with you.

  25. May 12, 2007 at 11:12 am

    Oh, oh, HUGE HUG!! No judgment. Just hug. And all kinds of love and support.

  26. 26 Gunfighter
    May 14, 2007 at 4:26 pm

    No judgement from me, CM.

    You hang in there, pal.

    GF

  27. May 16, 2007 at 1:11 pm

    Wow. Thanks for sharing this- Women don’t tend to talk about it, but we want the passion and the sexy every bit as much as the men do- and I worry all the time that motherhood will be the end of that for me. Maybe this post will keep another woman from going over the edge and having an affair. Good luck, girl. 🙂


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