As parents, weekends can be the ultimate “bait and switch.” Put another way, they can be the hot girlfriend or boyfriend who gives regular oral sex, who turns into the spouse who gives regular advice about lawn maintenance.
I’m just sayin’. Before kids, weekends are an opportunity to rest and recuperate from the workweek – a time to sleep in, eat huge piles of pancakes and bacon and drink too much (coffee). But having kids can transform weekends into a creeping horror show. At first, you feel like the man behind the door is probably just a friendly ghost. And then you realize he’s an ax-wielding maniac who wants to chop your head off. But perhaps that’s overstating the matter.
Weekends at my house typically go one of two ways. They are either an enjoyable lounging pajama fest, or a hell on wheels low-blood sugar dirty kitchen whine party. Our marriage usually bows under the strain of everyone being home at once and vying for who’s in charge. So we’ve devised a few surefire methods to break us out of our cranky ruts. Here are some suggested parental crank-busters that might take the “eek” out of weekend:
1. Have a Date. Nothing cures the weekend shut-ins like a very civilized dinner with some nice wine, while children play at home with an energetic fun babysitter type. Put on some make-up and heels and take a shower. You’ll both feel so much better for it.
2. Take the Children to the Park. Make them run repeated laps around the local park. Take them to one of those indoor play gyms with the wireless hook-ups so you can get some work done while they burn off that fabulous but haunting children on weekends energy.
3. Get the Whole Family Outside. Fresh air cures even the most intractable crankiness, both for child and adult. Sometimes if we go on a walk around the neighborhood Mommy and Daddy stop fighting about dinner and the kids stop fighting over the toilet monkey.
4. Give Mommy an Orgasm. Nothing cures life’s common irritations as easily and quickly as a nice release.
5. Give Daddy an Orgasm. Ditto for Daddy.
Weekends will never be the same after children. That’s why we love and cherish our grandparents and other caregivers who occasionally make weekends away possible.
(from my post at StrollerDerby/Babble)