5 Cures for the Weekend “Crankies”


As parents, weekends can be the ultimate “bait and switch.” Put another way, they can be the hot girlfriend or boyfriend who gives regular oral sex, who turns into the spouse who gives regular advice about lawn maintenance.

I’m just sayin’. Before kids, weekends are an opportunity to rest and recuperate from the workweek – a time to sleep in, eat huge piles of pancakes and bacon and drink too much (coffee). But having kids can transform weekends into a creeping horror show. At first, you feel like the man behind the door is probably just a friendly ghost. And then you realize he’s an ax-wielding maniac who wants to chop your head off. But perhaps that’s overstating the matter.

Weekends at my house typically go one of two ways. They are either an enjoyable lounging pajama fest, or a hell on wheels low-blood sugar dirty kitchen whine party. Our marriage usually bows under the strain of everyone being home at once and vying for who’s in charge. So we’ve devised a few surefire methods to break us out of our cranky ruts. Here are some suggested parental crank-busters that might take the “eek” out of weekend:

1. Have a Date.
Nothing cures the weekend shut-ins like a very civilized dinner with some nice wine, while children play at home with an energetic fun babysitter type. Put on some make-up and heels and take a shower. You’ll both feel so much better for it.

2. Take the Children to the Park.
Make them run repeated laps around the local park. Take them to one of those indoor play gyms with the wireless hook-ups so you can get some work done while they burn off that fabulous but haunting children on weekends energy.

3. Get the Whole Family Outside.
Fresh air cures even the most intractable crankiness, both for child and adult. Sometimes if we go on a walk around the neighborhood Mommy and Daddy stop fighting about dinner and the kids stop fighting over the toilet monkey.

4. Give Mommy an Orgasm. Nothing cures life’s common irritations as easily and quickly as a nice release.

5. Give Daddy an Orgasm. Ditto for Daddy.

Weekends will never be the same after children. That’s why we love and cherish our grandparents and other caregivers who occasionally make weekends away possible.

(from my post at StrollerDerby/Babble)


11 Responses to “5 Cures for the Weekend “Crankies””

  1. 1 karrie
    March 5, 2007 at 5:58 am

    Three out of five isn’t bad.

    I insist on going out to brunch and drinking too much coffee still. It’s not quite the same, since only one of us can glance at the Sunday paper at a time, but it helps.

    Although yesterday I had some jerk snipe “This is not a place for a baby” when we were being seated. The fuck it isn’t! 🙂

  2. March 5, 2007 at 9:50 am

    Some good tips…although it’s funny that you are as fed up as me and you have grandmother etc on hand and I have no one. Luckily my six year old is old enough to stay at her friends’ houses on sleep overs on a regular basis. I’m with you on the orgasms, it’s just finding the energy sometimes, right?

  3. March 5, 2007 at 2:02 pm

    Ha ha ha ha!!! Those are so true.

  4. 4 PunditMom
    March 5, 2007 at 2:03 pm

    Sage advice! Gotta get working on numbers 4 and 5!

  5. March 5, 2007 at 2:06 pm

    Great ideas!
    Of course 5 is my favorite.

  6. March 5, 2007 at 9:00 pm

    So true. So damn true. We’re trying to take advantage more of sending the kids (well at least the oldest) to the grandparents for the weekend but we do it so infrequently that we usually pass out on the couch from exhaustion!

  7. March 5, 2007 at 10:56 pm

    too true! i can relate to everyone lol!

  8. March 6, 2007 at 4:38 pm

    they really need to invent a new name for ‘weekends’ (and for ‘holidays’) once you have kids, because they still have an association of rest and pleasure which is entirely MISLEADING once kids are factored in. (sorry if i sound madder than usual – had a rather fraught w/e!)

  9. March 6, 2007 at 8:28 pm

    I must say that 1 and 4 are my personal favorites! ( I suppose we could throw #5 in there, just for good measure!)

    However, as the weather gets warmer and the kids are able to get outside more….the fighting does cease at least somewhat. That, or else we can’t hear it as well from the backyard!

  10. March 6, 2007 at 11:00 pm

    Yeah, I remember sleeping past 7am on Saturday and Sunday morning. Those were the days…

    Hope the weekend in my little hamlet was good for you, too!

  11. March 10, 2007 at 9:44 am

    I’m up in Scotland at the moment and with one of my two groups of three nephews. They have devised a tightly integrated schedule of whining to their parents. They never overlap but nor is there any kind of respite. As one child’s throat gives way, another steos in to relieve him. I am amazed that someone so young can be so organised.

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