03
Feb
07

Mystery Girl

my-girl-j.jpg

Do you have a child that is harder for you to understand than your others? I do and she is one half of the dynamic twin duo. J is the one that has me rushing back to my Touchpoints books, praying to God, ulcerating my worry bone, and generally fretting my way into gray hair. And she’s many many years yet away from driving a car or dating a boy (or a girl). She is arguably the least happy of my kids and I waffle between accepting the trick of temperament by birth and wanting to see her smile deeply 10 hours a day.

She is most likely to get into a fray with other children and sometimes has a mean streak. She is one child that seems to have been born into this world as an old soul, but not an old peaceful zen soul, an old grumpy cynical one. Sometimes she looks at me like she were a 16 year old and I just took away her car keys. In fact, she’s 5 and I’ve just refused to allow her to watch “Dora.”

Before bed, J is thoughtful and quiet and occasionally shares her fears and dreams with me. They are dreams of candy and swim class and grandmas, but her fears, they are disturbing and involve people dying and leaving her. Even if these are (according to my reading) somewhat common for her age, they are disturbing thoughts to hear your cherub utter in the dark.

Sometimes I feel that I’ve been given J, a human puzzle, to keep me sharp and on my toes. If I can love her more and help her feel happier and more secure, no other success will ever mean as much to me.

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7 Responses to “Mystery Girl”


  1. 1 PunditMom
    February 3, 2007 at 6:26 pm

    It has been so fascinating to me to discover who R. is as a person and to realize (it took me a while!) that she’s been “her” since the day she was born.

    I want to help her with her inherent anxieties and insecurities, but I’m not sure I can — I think it’s just in her, but I hope I can somehow help her become who she was meant to be.

  2. 2 deb
    February 4, 2007 at 10:20 am

    My middle girl is my misery, I mean mystery, child. She’s chronically cranky, never boring.

  3. February 4, 2007 at 10:54 am

    But I get the impression that you have a particular bond with her.

  4. February 4, 2007 at 12:55 pm

    I have my puzzle. She is my only daughter, sandwiched between my two sons. It took ages to understand what her needs/desires/wants were. Books weren’t enough. In the end, we discovered she has central auditory processing issues. After that diagnosis, everything fell into place for us. She’s still from outer space, mind you, but at least we know in what universe she’s dwelling! And we’re so better able to relate to her.

  5. February 4, 2007 at 1:27 pm

    My children are POLAR opposites. My daughter is the compliant,people pleasing, overachiever. She is neurotic, but still easily maintained. My son is simply put, “Hell on Wheels”. He is defiant, obstinate, and sometimes outright hateful. Of course, he can be endearing and loving…when you catch him in a good mood! You know the mom that is in line at Wal-Mart and her child is throwing a momentous temper tantrum? Well, that was me! UGH! I struggle with just how much discipline is too much! It is hard for me to know how to break his will without breaking his spirit. On top of that, I think the Princess sometimes receives less attention because his unruly behavior. If you come up with a miracle cure for puzzle children…..PLEASE pass it along to me! I could use some help!

  6. February 4, 2007 at 2:43 pm

    The thing that amazes me about you, CM, is that you get up everyday and raise three kids and STILL manage to pull off a post with this level of grace. WTF? You are a rock star!

    Along those lines, I think our children have come into our lives to test and teach us just about as much as we’re here to test and teach them. I know mine has taught me that there really is no such thing as control, that I should slow down and smell the roses and that all the things I thought were important, really aren’t that important after all. Time will only tell what I’ve taught her.

  7. February 5, 2007 at 10:46 pm

    I am a twin and my sister was much harder to understand when she talked. I’ve heard recordings. She also got into fights, and had many more behavior issues as well.

    Of course, she still feels that there is some kind of competition going on between the two of us, so that may play into it…


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