02
Dec
06

Bring Me The Higher Love

Sometimes I feel like I’m caught between the sacred and the mundane.  I live in the netherworld of swearing spiritualists, nicey nice mean mommies, workaholic flex timers, and abstinent imbibers.  Lolling between worlds provides the usual noncommittal joys (you can observe but never fall straight into the void because you aren’t, well, committed to being there) and occasional respite from the intensity of feelings suffered by the many living inside the chaos.

I sat with V in my lap this morning smelling her head and watching the twins wrestle around the living room as they waited for their Dad to pick them up for an overnight.  I was filled with the usual combination of leaping and joyful freedom dancing and sobby bittersweet missing and loss. 

I smiled and imagined a wonderful evening away from the chores and the children.   He and I dancing around a candle-lit room, me ravishing in heels and a pretty red dress, him adoring and stunned by my beauty gently guiding me around the floor while the violins played and champagne flutes clinked with toasts of love…

"MOMMY!!!  You look weird!!  Stop doing that!"

See?

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5 Responses to “Bring Me The Higher Love”


  1. December 2, 2006 at 7:02 pm

    How is that they just *know* when you’re imagining a moment of life without them? It’s uncanny, isn’t it?

  2. December 2, 2006 at 8:51 pm

    You know, maybe Lawyer Mama is onto something.

    I actually had to pause.

    Now I’m back. Perhaps it’s a good thing that they realize, in subtle and not so subtle ways that we have lives. That having lives is a GOOD thing. That no matter what happens, we will love them AND we will have lives dammit.

    Ahem.

  3. December 3, 2006 at 7:18 am

    I can relate to the living in between two worlds — not a true “working mom” and not a true “SAHM,” but working part-time from home. I think I’m straddling that fence successfully, but sometimes I feel like I’m being a fake in both worlds. Not a true wife anymore because of mommy duties and feeling guilty about date night when R. hangs on to my leg as I leave her with the sitter. Sigh.

  4. December 3, 2006 at 8:32 am

    HHAA!! Reality…bites again, huh? 🙂

    Thank you for adding me to your blogroll, I’m doing the same…although, the title you bestowed upon me is MUCH too generous. But, alas, flattery will get you everywhere…I’m naked as I write this. Well, I am wearing my laptop. HA! 🙂

  5. 5 jen
    December 3, 2006 at 12:17 pm

    nice. it’s the constant and unending battle to remain us while being constantly on for them. and those bits of breaks are so valuable…whether it’s fantasy or reality.


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