Cry Baby

The babies.  They have totally ruined my tough chic groove forever.  My insides are on the outside and my outsides are mushy and swollen when I want them to be taut and lithe, or at least free of peanut butter schmear.

So today.  Work.  Everything is going along swimmingly.  I’m showered, wearing lipstick and heels, and looking like some facsimile of my former self.  Confidently and cheerfully, I head into a meeting with my boss to present the budget. 

And I can’t describe what happened next very clearly, but the next thing I knew, he was pointing out a mistake in my numbers and I just knew I was about to cry.  Blubber. Burst into sobbing gags.  I excused myself and washed away as much of the redness and puffiness as I could. When I returned he was onto the next spreadsheet and didn’t look up, so we began where we’d left off.  But I absolutely couldn’t shake it.  So his clever parries were met by mute agreement and the appearance of total obedience on my part.  And this, got his attention.  He said, "Are you all right?" and I said yes but that I had to get back to work.

Sometimes I hate that I’ve lost the cool exterior, the toughness, the ability to not cry at commercials about starving children in Africa.  Sometimes I really despise this mushy mom person I’ve become.

Maybe I should just embrace my inner flower child and be done with it!!

Spinal Tap always makes me smile


7 Responses to “Cry Baby”

  1. November 8, 2006 at 9:05 am

    I never had the tough, cool exterior to lose, so I can’t relate.

    I know I have always envied people who could be like that though.

    It would be a tough thing to lose control of.

    (Handing you a tissue and coming over with chocolate and “Waiting for Guffman” and “Best in Show”)

  2. November 8, 2006 at 9:07 am

    I hear you, girl. Once the epitome of cool impartiality (or something), I have found myself getting a little misty in interviews over the past year.

    The nerve of Avery, turning me into some sort of human being…

  3. November 8, 2006 at 9:33 am

    Hang in there, CrankMama. I had to work for years to develop that cool, cry-proof exterior. Now? GONE! I’ll cry at the drop of a hat, but maybe that’s also the peri-menopause doing it’s thing.

    And don’t forget, the new Christopher Guest movie opens next weekend! I’ve already got it on my calendar!

  4. November 8, 2006 at 2:04 pm

    Sounds a bit embarassing…I don’t think I cry more than I used to before kids. I’m the sort of person who never cries in public. I never even cried at ET and I was ten.

  5. November 8, 2006 at 6:25 pm

    Awww! Hang in there, CrankyMama! (hugs your way) It definitely is very hard to switch hats between being tender-mommy and mommy-at-work. I personally can’t see myself doing it right now. I’m much too much of a mushball – I cry when my son laughs or smiles at anything on tv! How’s that for a blubberying mess?

  6. November 9, 2006 at 12:33 pm

    Wow. I thought I had just had serious hormonal issues going on 2.5 years after giving birth. I didn’t realize this emotional flimsiness was a “thing”. A mom thing.

    But yeah, dude, I cry for really sickening reasons, like seeing my daughter get super excited by seeing a live presentation of ‘Big Comfy Couch’. Or better yet, trying to talk to a director of a preschool and about enrollment and just breaking down. Yeah, so cool.

    I am relieved to know I don’t have some unusual emotional disorder. I feel my shame lifting.

  7. November 14, 2006 at 6:25 am

    I got dizzy just reading this. I was the same way with my last boss. HATED myself for it.

    I’ve taken a deep breath and I think I’m finally over it.

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