06
Oct
06

Call Me Hallmark & Die

When I’m having a difficult day with my children, I always feel completely maternally inferior when I read another woman’s love post of adoration or declaration of "wonder" about her children.  I usually roll my eyes and think "Of course she loves her kid, she’s on
tons of DRUGS!" But then I calm down, mist up, and realize I too am
on tons of drugs (mostly legal). 

Truthfully, I prefer to laugh
with the cranky soul-sisters who have to dip their  heads (mouths open)
into wine vats just to survive the evening hours.  But sometimes I wonder if my Mrs. Tough-Cakes act gets in the way of my soft lovin’ feelings toward my fellow travellers — children, friends, people starving in Africa.  Because occasionally  even when they are as cute as apple dumplings on top of a cream pie (my kids, not the starving people), I feel like there’s a film over my heart as I brace for the next tantrum or explosion of maternal frustration. 

You can imagine my surprise when the other day I found myself smiling like a PTA President with a bloodstream full of Zoloft literally oozing love and kisses and adoration for my daughters. It seems that now that I get to leave the house a few days a week to use my brain and
talk to people who don’t force me to make them sandwiches 30 times a day, we’re having a mommy-daughter honeymoon and I’m really enjoying them.  Really. I’m practically ready to sign up for goddamn Gymboree.  Not quite, but almost.   Next thing you know, I’ll be knitting wee pants and sewing Halloween costumes while wearing an apron.  I even helped them make caramel apples the other day.  Me.  The Queen of I Hate All Things Domestic.

I don’t want to sneeze or blink or say "Betty Crocker" for fear that this will all blow away.  My daughters are so beloved and sacred to me.  It’s just that I’ve often been too tired and worn and addled to admit it.

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15 Responses to “Call Me Hallmark & Die”


  1. October 6, 2006 at 4:20 pm

    I know this feeling well and you write about it so accurately. I am also not a PTA president on Zoloft and find many things about children in general and mine in particular infuriating. But the wonder of them! The glory of them! They help me transcend my own grumpy limits.

  2. October 6, 2006 at 4:42 pm

    But, but…you’re so cute when you’re cranky.

    You too, Stunts. 🙂

  3. October 6, 2006 at 4:58 pm

    Eh. I was PTA President for 3 years and I NEVER had that smile on my face.

    I have a barrier around my heart with my kids, too. I adore them. Love them to bits, but they also scare the hell out of me.

    So, I just try to make the best of it and not mess up their lives too badly and love them as much as I can . Focusing on expectations of what you “Should be” can really make a pisser out of life.

  4. October 6, 2006 at 5:36 pm

    I hear ya, babe. I enjoy my children so much more when I don’t have to be with them 24/7.

  5. October 7, 2006 at 9:36 am

    Too funny and very real. I agree with you and totally understand! If I didn’t work, I know I’d be struggling to find the joy in motherhood on a daily basis. I just do not have the stamina to deal 24/7.

  6. October 7, 2006 at 10:51 am

    I worked in an office before I became a mother, but now work at home. But I discovered pretty early on that I am a MUCH better mother to my daughter when I’m not with her 24/7. I generally keep that to myself for fear of the Mother Police chastising me for not having warm, fuzzy feelings about my daughter every minute of every day.

    It feels so good to know there are others in the same boat.

  7. October 7, 2006 at 11:00 am

    Yeah, I too have my moments when I look at my daughter and think “How did I luck into such a precious child?” If I dont take time for myself, those moments of awe are usually followed by the stark realization that Avery could throw an ear-splitting tantrum any second.

  8. 8 MeL
    October 7, 2006 at 2:22 pm

    This is where you can picture me in the throes of a full-on holy-rollin’ “Aye-Men!”

    I have missed working Saturday nights at the hospital, because it meant a break from motherhood for just long enough to miss Jack’s face by Sunday morning.

    And it was a chance to be sure that all of my academic knowledge had not been dumped from the brain space to make room for episodes of Hi-5 and the recipe for tuna salad.

    Here’s hoping the honeymoon continues. (But that it’s still peppered with enough cayenne spice to keep the Mama cranky. We like her that way.)

  9. October 8, 2006 at 11:11 am

    Oh yeah. I go between adoring my kids and wishing I could dip my head in the wine vat with my mouth open. (Merlot, please. Thank you.)

    I’m the mom of an autistic son, and I’ve learned not to take anything for granted. When he’s in a good mood,life is wonderful. When he’s upset…batten down the hatches!

    Annie

  10. October 8, 2006 at 2:17 pm

    thank god someone admits to feeling that way! too many stepford mummies out there determined to make the rest of us feel like s***! regular escape (or possibly drugs) is definitely the way to go. xx

  11. October 8, 2006 at 5:50 pm

    .”..she’s on tons of DRUGS!”How funny! I prefer to be more specific, like “Crack”

    Uh, so the Hallmark reference wouldn’t be ’cause of me now…

    I didn’t think so.

  12. October 11, 2006 at 7:34 am

    Those times of unbridled adoration are so fleeting for me these days, but I try so hard to hold on to them. Most of the time I’m the one swilling back wine in the evenings and bracing myself for the next fiasco.

  13. October 12, 2006 at 6:12 am

    “It seems that now that I get to leave the house a few days a week to use my brain and talk to people who don’t force me to make them sandwiches 30 times a day, we’re having a mommy-daughter honeymoon and I’m really enjoying them.”

    Yup.

    It was the same thing for me–went crazy for my one year mat leave, went back to work, felt sane again.

    Though I think for me if it were 3 days instead of five, it would be better. But I’m a much more sappy mom when I work.

    (Found you from your comment on my post over at IP.)

  14. October 12, 2006 at 6:14 am

    Just noticed … ooooooh, you link to Bitch!

    Love Bitch. Love it.

  15. November 14, 2006 at 4:04 pm

    You speak the truth! I just wish I could get past the annoyed state.

    Congrats on the ROFL!


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