I have an ex-husband who is Canadian. He and I were married for 3 years and are now quite good friends. After our divorce, I fell in love with and had twins with a man I did not ultimately marry. He’s still a very involved father in the twins’ lives and he and I are also, in our way, friends.
I have not typically trumpeted the details of my personal history at the various social gatherings I have attended these past years. I usually let people assume, as they do, that my current husband is the father of all of my children. Most of the time, this lack of information sharing is natural reticence. Reticence and cool remove are rare jewels in a culture where gloppy personal stories are shared like fudge at every gathering. Besides, I like my peeps a little shy so that when they do reveal their secrets, it’s like winning a lovely prize.
On the other hand, I like the sassy fun hip people with a past. I love the courage and folly of bad life choices and stories of fun drunken debauchery and bad boyfriends and torrid travel romances. I can view a divorce (or 2) or a kid out of wedlock as a colorful part of someone’s past, but I’ve never wanted to be someone with a past. I want to be the funny wacky, but still pure & innocent sidekick.
The truth is, I’m a little embarrassed when I do get close enough to someone to tell them my story. I’m always afraid that they’ll see me as this single mom, smoking cigarettes, while her bastard children run around the yard in dirty diapers. Or as a bitter cynical divorcee who got married in the nick of time.
Even with this, I’m still often chosen to be the funny & wacky sidekick to smartass babes with dark pasts and I love that role because we’ve all got our secrets. And in the end, everyone needs a good belly laugh from someone who *knows* them in that "I’ve been there too, sis" kind of way.
Hi. My name is Rachael and I have a dark and sordid past.