03
Sep
06

The Harper’s Index They Neglected to Print…

CrankMama Index 12:

1. Number of times, on an average day, I’m told I’m a "breath of fresh air": 2
2. Number of times I’m told I’m a sexy hottie:  .789232
3. Number of times each week I believed a happily married person should have sex when I was 25: 5
4. Number of times each week I believe a happily married person should have sex now that I’m 38: .5
5. Number of brothers: 2
6. Number of brothers who are Mormon: 2
7. Ratio of total in-laws visiting to personal daily wine consumption per 8oz.: 1/80
8. Time in seconds it takes upon picking up reading material, for someone to start an in-depth conversation about lawncare, weather, deadly hunger, or intra sibling hitting: 5 
9. Time in seconds it takes someone to knock on any door that is locked for the sole purpose of insuring my privacy: 5
10. Number of times my Mom calls me each week to ask if anything is wrong because she just "has a bad feeling": 2
11. Number of therapy visits I estimate my children will need to recover from their childhood: 8,001
12. Number I needed to get over mine: 1,000,001

 

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10 Responses to “The Harper’s Index They Neglected to Print…”


  1. September 4, 2006 at 1:15 pm

    #1 – How wonderful!

    #7 & #12 Oh how I can relate!

  2. September 4, 2006 at 10:41 pm

    Numbers 9, 10, 11, & 12 are the stories of my life. Why is it that when Daddy’s in the bathroom he can indulge in AND enjoy an entire twenty minutes of kid/knock free bliss while, when Mommy’s in there, all of a sudden Daddy can’t find a damned thing in the house and the kids prefer only me to get what they need? (sheesh!)

    Ugh! And my mother? I’ve actually got a post about her in a few days. I’m still trying to find a way to be pc without blasting her in the therapeutical way I always do to save my sanity.

    And speaking of therapy…(sigh) I might as well start now so that by the time my own daughter hits the teen years I can boast about all the therapy I needed in the name of my own mother.

    It just never ends, does it?

  3. 3 Michelle
    September 5, 2006 at 8:04 am

    I love it! Your number for being told your a sexy hottie actually looks good! That’s almost once a day!

  4. September 5, 2006 at 11:38 am

    What a breath of fresh air you are, you sexy hottie!

  5. September 5, 2006 at 4:14 pm

    The index is my favorite part of Harper’s .

  6. September 5, 2006 at 5:34 pm

    (13. Number of times a day someone short calls out, “Mom, mom, mom”, before I start twitching: 87) If it were my clever idea instead of yours, I woulda had to add that.

    So, how many sister-in-laws do you have?

  7. September 6, 2006 at 10:37 am

    Jessica, only 2 (I know, that’s a difficult joke to avoid).. Moobz, too kind. Andie & Jennifer – glad you can relate.. Karrie – Mine too.. Michelle – ever my little optimist

  8. September 6, 2006 at 12:31 pm

    Too Funny!
    #9 is dead-on

  9. 9 Michelle
    September 7, 2006 at 7:11 am

    Yes I am the glass half-full girl.

    And I truly would be thrilled if my husband told me I was a sexy hottie that often!!! I’m happy if I get it once every two weeks!

  10. September 12, 2006 at 11:49 pm

    i hear you on the therapy thing. me too, i feel like its going to be a 1,000,001


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