28
Aug
06

I Better Be Good In Bed

A Wifely Apology:

I’d like to officially apologize.  While the acid comments over breakfast are most likely quite funny (especially the bitter ones about materialism, capitalist pigs, and Republicans) I know sometimes it’s better to wait until the dinner hour to throw around swear words and make references to the Mindless Masses. 

Though 40 hours of cheerfully granted alone time might have been sufficient, in some circles, to jumpstart cheerfulness or recapture some youthful effervescence, alas they were unequal to the task.  And while a seething undercurrent of resentment is indeed quite sexy to some men (as are sweatpants and oily hair I’m told), it may not after all be your particular cup of tea.

Hormones, wine for dinner, and no exercise since 1975 are excellent cornerstones of a certain kind of mental health, I’m sure, but don’t seem to work as well for me.

For these reasons and above all because you haven’t yet put me on the cover of Bad Wife Magazine, please accept my nomination as the officially adored mascot of all of us here at CrankMama.  You surely deserve more than you’ve been receiving…

I remain, ever your faulty but hopefully never boring wife.

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7 Responses to “I Better Be Good In Bed”


  1. August 28, 2006 at 2:06 pm

    Thanks Honey Buns. That’s a lovely letter and certainly more so considering your willingness to post it here on the Internet.

    And I want to publicly reiterate my appreciation for your support for me during “Career Crisis 2005: Attack of the Drones” … you were a doric column (ahhh, the elegant simplicity) of strength and patience.

    I love you.

    -Hubcap
    “This mood brought to you by Celexa.”

  2. August 29, 2006 at 10:42 am

    How boring can you be if you are throwing around swear words at breakfast. Men love women who talk dirty! (but hold off on the capitalist pig stuff until after dinner)

  3. August 29, 2006 at 10:51 am

    I believe most men *think* they want a firebrand, but when they get one, they just wish they had a vanilla cream puff. That’s my theory anyway, Neil. Love your post today, btw.

  4. August 29, 2006 at 11:19 am

    It’s true about pining for the non-firebrand at times if you are married to one.

    If you are a Scarlett O’Hara, it seems that they always wonder what life would be like with a Melanie.

    Calmer, probably, but we’re better in bed.

  5. August 29, 2006 at 12:46 pm

    Yes, the wife is always sweeter on the other side. Love the Gone with the Wind ref, sis!

  6. 6 Michelle
    August 30, 2006 at 11:02 am

    Sometimes I want a vanilla cream puff too!

  7. August 30, 2006 at 11:12 am

    I think we all need a firebrand AND a vanilla cream puff. Good to see you here, sister friend


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